Monday, December 28, 2009

A World Away

I'm sitting at the San Fransisco airport waiting to catch my flight to Germany. It's odd to find myself literally in the same place I was a mere six weeks ago waiting for a flight to Spokane. It feels like a lifetime ago, but I remember feeling excited to be in the States and among the familiar, desperately struggling to stay awake and downing as much caffeine as possible.

The leaving, the goodbyes never get easier. Sometimes I feel numb in a way I hate, but my heart is learning to protect itself. Leaving my family is the worst. I miss shopping trips with my mom and watching movies on Saturday with my dad. As an older sister, I want to be a vital part of my siblings lives. That unique urge to encourage, protect, and boss around has never faded. I miss birthdays, graduations, vacations, first boyfriend/girlfriend, first drivers license, and all those minute, little details that may seem meaningless, but make all the difference in the world.

My Dad

My Mom

My brother Grant

My sister Natalie

My brother Spencer

My brother Jack [He wouldn't let me take his picture so this is the best I could do]

My brother Zach

I love that my brother Derek works with me in South Africa, but unfortunately, he's now old enough to resent me when I boss him around [doesn't keep me from trying though]. And I'm excited to spend time with my sister and her husband in Germany, but the prospect of more goodbyes loom on the horizon.

I'm mourning the loss of my family. I know God has a perfect plan for my life and He's much, much smarter than me, but I'm grieving and I think that's okay.

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