Saturday, July 16, 2011

My Freak Out

Since the beginning of this year, I've been stressing out about my 25th birthday. The idea of turning 25 really hit hard and for the longest time I couldn't figure out why. Like sooo many people have felt the need to tell me, I'm still young and it's not like I'm approaching old age yet or anything. I really do know that.

The fact that it was bothering me so much really bothered me! I'm not someone who's ever worried about aging, but this past week when the day finally came I figured it out.

My mom says that when I was a little girl I would tell her that when I grew up I was going to move right next door and marry a man just like my dad. All through my childhood years and into high school my dream was to get married and have a family. That was literally all I wanted. I was going to be the most amazing mom ever.

Now I just turned 25 and I realized a while ago that life rarely goes according to plan and even though I loved Africa and I love Massage Therapy, I have to fight against a feeling of disappointment.

It is so frustratingly human to always want what you don't have, but I guess I just have to settle for being cliche and hope God continues to work on my heart and teaching me to be content with him.

I continue to be a work in progress.


Anonymous said...

Brittany, you are amazing. You are so much further along in the things that really matter on your inside than I was at your age. It took me a really, really long time to start moving in the right direction (at least, I think/hope/pray I am!), but you have started working this 'stuff' at the beginning vs. past middle age. I am so proud of you.

Keep up the good work, and continue to fight the good fight. I have this suspicion that in the end, you will wind up with all you always wanted, and more.

I Love you,

Rachel said...

Hey Girl, I realize this post is older, but I just read it, and I wanted to encourage you. I, too, have felt a surge of disappointment, as I watch my sisters young and old, get married, and watch them start beautiful families. But my oldest sister gave me this book called never the bride. Its an easy quick read, and it made me laugh, but what was so great about it, was the message. That we just need to let God write our story, and let go of the pen and stop striving so much. This is something I've struggled with for so long. And as I reflect on the past and us girls growing up together, you ever notice the trend? Most of the girls our age that we have grown up with, are also not married, or engaged? It makes me think that God has something great out there for us! I just wanted to say, that you are very amazing and the things you have done are great! You've lived in Africa, and are doing something you love! You are not being complacent and sitting at home! I just keep telling myself, you know what, Sarah got married at 28 and Anna at 30, there is NO rush! And do what you want now!